So here we are…nearing the end of our journey with Tim. Based on my plea in my recap last week, hoping against all hope that he would not embarrass us all by putting a ring on it by season’s end, you can only imagine how much I cringed hearing him claim within the opening reel that he’s sure without a doubt, that the woman he’s meant to spend the rest of his life with is here. In Tahiti.
He tests his theory first with Trish, who clearly has a much more natural rapport with him than April (not a hard record to beat, mind you) and the two set off on a picturesque horse-back ride through the Tahitian mountains. Tim makes a statement as sweeping as the views surrounding them by claiming that Trish is special because ‘any other girl would have only ridden a horse for a minute’. Really? Any other girl? I can only speak for myself, but I’d clippety clop the shit out of that mountain. It’s not like she’s shark-diving!
After Trish’s horse almost takes off on them, they park for a picnic, where they have a bit of an awkward silence, she tells him how strongly she feels for him, he has that look on his face like he’s about to take a dump right then and there (which I’ve come to know is actually a look of affection on his part), he throws in a quick forehead press aaaand Scene!
At dinner, they enjoy some more conversation and then comes the obligatory fantasy suite date card reading, where the couple pretends to be surprised by the proposition of staying the night together even though this is like the 300th season of The Bachelor. It came as no surprise that the card wasn’t signed by Tyler Harcott like Chris Harrison does. They’d be all like ‘Who?’
Tim and Trish head off into their gorgeous suite so they can finally press more than their foreheads against each other and call it a night.
And then there’s April’s date. In some ways, I actually want to applaud this girl, because she’s having the doubts she should be having at this point. She’s panicking over the notion of being engaged to a guy she is barely ready to call her boyfriend – and she’s not even sure how much she likes him. The most she can muster is a ‘nice to see you’ when they are finally reunited before setting sail on their yacht.
Their time on the yacht is sweet and intimate and they finish it off with the obligatory acknowledgement that jumping into the ocean together is a metaphor for taking a leap of faith, trusting one’s instincts, feeling safe, giving in, yada, yada yada that is reflected upon every season, anytime any couple jumps out of or into something or conquers a common fear together. April isn’t sure if she’s actually ready for that leap of faith – and she says as much over dinner when he asks her point blank if she’s ready for a proposal. But when the date card rolls around later that night, she’s clearly ready to take the leap into his pants.
The next day, Tim is pumped to introduce Trish to his parents and I swear, I thought his mom was going to do the forehead press to her too.
I wasn’t sure if it was the filming that was awkward or if it was actually that weird in the room, but once Trish and his mom have their alone time, even with Trish calling her a drowned rat, they seemed to have bonded and all looks good to go.
As much as Trish nailed the meeting of the parents, that’s how much of an epic fail April’s was. With every minute she sat on that couch, she seemed to get younger and younger and I honestly wanted to cradle her in my arms and whisper ‘it’s not your fault’ repeatedly by the end. There’s not giving good answers to questions and then there’s literally forgetting how to speak. What must Tim have been thinking? I sort of applaud him for trying to lighten the mood by popping the wine but at the same time, what’s he thinking? This is your potential future wife? Coping skills are not exactly her strong suit.
It’s no surprise that later on, Tim is called to her hotel room where he basically finds her in the fetal position humming Disney tunes. The music they played as he waited for her to answer the door reminded me of an ‘America’s Most wanted’ re-enactment, and I’m sorta feeling like if we keep April trapped in this situation too much longer, she’ll be on that list one of these days.
If she does end up checking out of paradise early, it won’t be the first time someone picked their fiancée by default (ahem, ahem, Desiree). The question is, how convincing will it be? I guess we’ll find out next week on Part 2 of The Bachelor Canada Finale.