NOTES ON A SCANDAL…OR MANY – (THE BACHELOR PAD – EPISODE 2)

 Okay first off, let’s just admit that episode two was simply not as good as episode one.  Yes, there were a few gems, but overall, not enough psycho for my taste.

 Let’s go right into the challenge.  I’m all for the drama of the show, but does a pie eating contest really warrant scary music and slow-motion close-ups of the fear in these girl’s eyes?  I mean I get that you don’t eat, but really?  This isn’t fear factor.  You’re not being asked to crawl into an aquarium of piranhas or eat snail smoothies.  You’re being asked to eat pie – a favourite summer dessert closely akin to cobbler.  I mean seriously, tie my hands behind my back, show me some strawberry rhubarb action and I’ll show these chicks how to eat!

 Gotta love Dave’s comment that Krissily should just ‘suck it up’ and participate.  Um she physically CAN’T digest it, dude.  Almost as good as watching the actual pie eating contest, was watching Tenley have a full blown tantrum ‘I don’t like it anymore, wah, wah,wah!!’ over having to eat it (I think her feet were actually stomping under the table.)  And even more so were the ‘post pie-eating contest follow-up commentaries from Ashley, Elizabeth and more WITH THEIR FACES STILL DRIPPING IN PIE BEARDS.  Hilarious.  Could they have not let them towel off first before doing the interviews (though I’m sure that Elizabeth is used to having sticky stuff drip down her chin).

 I had a small moment of pride and victory for the Weatherman.  This was probably the first competition he ever won in his life and also the only time women will ever vie to go on a date with him (and at least these girls wore clothes on their date!). I am proud of him for wearing his Speedo confidently given his panic attack on Alli’s season, even though my three year old son can do a better job of filling one of those out on a winter’s day.  And Gwen?  Really?  She is old enough to be your mother, or at least Aunt.  Now I’m no math genius, but could it be that you seem to feel a connection with her because she is the least likely woman to be pursued by any other guy on the show, thereby giving you the best odds?  Looks like she still ain’t interested given her direct  ‘that’ll never happen (giggle giggle).  EVER (giggle)’ statement to the cameras post-date.  Even though Dave proclaimed that Weatherman is simply ‘good at eating pie’ following the competition, will Weatherman truly get to showcase this ability by the end of the season with the ladies?  Only time will tell so stay tuned…

 Now let’s move onto the cliques.  The Insiders versus the Outsiders…wow, those are some hardcore clique names.  I think Elizabeth, Natalie and Tenley should all change their names to Heather, don’t you?  What alternate universe is this where Tenley may be considered a Mean Girl?  It definitely is an exclusive club they have formed with Dave, Kovacs and Kyptyn though it’s no surprise that the Kypper won’t be gaining any back door entry into said club (I mean Tenley did BURST into tears at the mention of the physical aspects of an adult romantic relationship at the cocktail party.  Perhaps she should take some lessons from the “I’m a dumb smart girl” Elizabeth, who reminded me of a Black Widow spider or a rattlesnake moving in for the kill when she grabbed Jesse by the neck and smashed his face into hers to kiss.  Oh but wait a minute.  Elizabeth is ‘in love’.

 I have to say though I wish I could hate Gia because she is so hot, I actually really like her.  I do question how she could run her hands through her hair after having poured multiple oils on them, and I also question how she could reem weatherman out for risking their plan by filling Ashley in, and then giving the promised-to-Craig rose to Wes and screwing the whole plan up.  But I think I’m going to go on record for now and say that I’m rooting for her.  BUT I’m pretty sure by next week I’ll have to take that statement back given her stupidity as she falls for Wes.  I’m sorry but did she not see Jillian’s season with Wes and that song???  Don’t tell me he’s going to tell her that he wrote that song for her while living at the Bachelor Pad.  What kind of lazy musician is he?  It’s been about two years!  Could you not come up with one more song to try to promote, given that this one didn’t bring you the success you were hoping for by entering Jillian’s season?  Seeing Gia curled up on the couch tears welling in her eyes as she listens to him play made me puke in my mouth – and that’s just a preview for next week!

 Oh, Nikki, perhaps you should spend a little less time worrying about what’s fair and not fair when it comes to rose ceremonies and just a wee bit more time applying sunscreen.  She looked like she had grill marks all over her chest from the different bathing suit straps!  Maybe Nikki decided that in the end her and Kyptyn had too much in common to see him let go unjustly.  After all, they do have the same sideburns.

 And finally, I never thought I would be praying for a salmon-coloured golf shirt – even coral would have been an improvement over Chris Harrison’s ensemble during the rose ceremony.  That brown gingham button down and purple polka dot tie was the worst outfit I’ve ever seen and that includes Krissily’s two for one prom dress specials from the Dress Barn.

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